ABOUT DERECHS
I just don't get this
business about home schooling and not having a derech.
In my experience, when my
son was in school, it was the school experience
that was providing a threat
to my son's continued observance of Yiddishkeit,
G-d Forbid. He had so much negativity as a result of
what he saw as
hypocrisy going on. For
example, teachers being verbally abusive to children
and children who were
physically violent to each other without any (as far as
he saw) any real
repercussions or discipline.
Also, the peer pressure was
tremendous. As a result, my son wanted very much
to have Nike shoes when I
was content to buy tennis shoes at Payless without
a brand "label"
This was so important to him in order for him to fit in, yet
because of the high tuition,
I did not have the bucks, nor did I wish to
condone submitting to peer
pressure. As a result, my son found a factory
outlet that sold Nikes
locally for the same price as I was willing to pay at
Payless shoes and so that
crisis was resolved and my son was able to save
face.
Then there was my son's
contention that my husband had a "cruddy job",
because all the other boys
dressed cool, and he dressed in pants from Land's
End catalog.
This was not what I had in
mind in terms of Yeshiva education.
My older friends, who have
older boys in Mechina or Bais Medrash, complain
that their boys go to
Yeshiva, do not come home for Shabbos (only
occasionally) or Rosh
Hashana or Yom Kippur, or Shavuous (they need to be in
Yeshiva), and so they do not
daven with their fathers, lose out on a lot of
family interaction. Here in
our city, the big thing is to send kids away to
Yeshiva in ninth grade. Is
it better for kids to live in dormitories? They do
not get exposure to the family's
minhagim, derech, and are divorced from
their community of origin to
a large extent. Sometimes I go to Shul in the
summer or on Simchas Torah
and I see so many young men, they are all but
invisible the rest of the
time as they are "in yeshiva". I did not even know
that one man in my Shul had
an older teenaged son, as I never see them
together, learning or
walking home from Shul, I only know this man's girls,
yes, the boy is "in
yeshiva".
One friend's worst complaint
is that her husband spent time in Yeshiva but is
now a baalabus, i.e., he
works for a living and is not learning full time
anymore (after all he has to
pay Yeshiva tuition!) My friend complains that
her boys look down on her
husband, the attitude is that he is lacking as he
does not learn full time
(yes, he goes to shiurim on a regular basis). This
man is extremely successful
parnassa-wise, and the kids have no problems
holding a hand out asking
for $200 for a Borsalino black hat and a fancy
Italian suit, after all they
have to look nice, they are learning and looking
for a shidduch.
So, you touch a nerve here.
Far from home schooling proving to be a difficulty
in providing a child with a
derech, my friend's complaint is that she wants
the school to educate her
child (i.e., provide information) but she does not
wish the school to interfere
with her child's chinuch (i.e., ethical
education/character
development/outlook and worldview).
For more about derechs, click here .